You give one guy a hand job and suddenly everyone wants to get with you
Stop bringing these fucking whores home with you. If I have to fight over the remote with a bleach blonde idiot wanting to watch the hills reruns one more time I'm pissing in your shampoo.
if every girl in minneapolis isn't pregnant when i get back to the cities i will cry
She started ignoring us once we told her we were out to celebrate your abortion. Who knew strippers could be judgemental?
He came up and told us to watch as he chugged his beer with no hands. Then asked if he could come drunk swimming with us.
Is it OK to disqualify a potential therapist if she lists 50 Shades of Gray as her favorite book? Or is that a good thing?
It will be like a scavenger hunt.. only we're looking for places to have sex.
He's the only guy without a tacky accent I've seen in this southern dump in 6 months. Bangage was inevitable.
You're such a Yankee.
He hasn't responded in 6 hours and the last thing he sent me was a picture of 7 grams of coke. I'm getting kinda worried
We had sex in the church bell tower and somehow it still feels right.
We can get drunk and battle coyotes
One of the finest moments in my life was when I was puking in between my legs as I was shitting, and thought to myself "hmm this shall be called shomiting."
i woke up face planted on your ottoman..thanks for letting me sleepover
i got drunk and started dancing with the plant because you were out of town
For someone who's supposed to be gay Greg is really good at seducing me into things I don't wanna do
Randomize
