This guy sitting next to me just bought a plot of land off the internet. On a whim. In the middle of class
i was rollin on her like bob the builder
Just applied online. Cant stop hiccupping. May be drunk. Hope they liked my smiley faces.
I was high enough to think chocolate sauce on bagel bites was a good idea
i have to start hiding my credit card when i drink i woke up this morning with 4 emails from Farmville telling me i spent over $800 on coins last night
i havent thrown up in four monthes, im clearly not drinking enough
Want updates from david's night out drinking? If so text back DAVID to this number. Std rates apply.
I just turned in a 4 page paper spelling absolute as "absolut" every single time. I'm an alcoholic
I literally sat down and peed with my underwear still on. How does that happen?
well, someone with very low standards is getting their dick sucked
Sorry about bonging beers with your mom but in all fairness you were late...
Tis the season to puke in grandma's bathroom
Dude. I tried to hide my drunk wounds from my parents. Response: "we were young once" and "oh god, did I raise a drunk?"
You are beyond drunk wounds. You have drunk battle scars. A true veteran of the sidewalk
When I was hooking up with this guy last night all I could think about was if we were in Game of Thrones... I need to stop doing drugs
You don't know the true meaning of fear until your girlfriend's niece insists on sitting on your lap with 20 mg of Viagra coursing through your veins.
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