I sent you an email today but due to work restrictions, I had to misspell choke sex
It was amazing what she could do with her one good arm.
I've had enough of this chick, she wanted to cuddle after giving me a handjob. I feel like I'm in junior high
I think it might be brain cancer. Hangovers can't be this bad
you should be back in the room by now but just so you know. you passed out at the black jack table and they wheel chaired you out. strip club in about 45 minutes. game face bro.
They're taking me to ER. Mistasnkingly. Come get me.
He asked if I smoke and I said "only fools like you on the basketball court!" Then I started crying. I think I'm about to have my period.
I wiped my mouth this morning with a pine tree branch after I threw up on the side of the road. Tis the season
This is why I need to move out...so my naked vomit covered walk of shames to the bathroom are only witnessed by one other person who is equally as pathetic as me and the cat
Every now and then I'll meet one who is talented in the art of shower gymnast.
I was so drunk last night I couldn't see faces, only from the shoulders down.
Just ignore the penis. It's won't bother you. I promise.
If y'all wanna know how far the apple fell from the tree I'm sexting during Easter service. Mom would be so proud 😳
Had phone sex with my boss who I still haven’t seen in person. How’s your Monday ?
Someone signed my nipple.
Randomize
