cruising supermarkets, asking random people where i can get weed. fuck alaska
So stoned I forgot I was masturbating and went to go get a cookie.
the toilet has never flushed louder then when you sneak home drunk and try to avoid your parents hearing you puke.
just woke up with a thong on my face, dont remember going home with anyone and its way too big for it to be a good thing
I made the bartender pinky promise me there was still vodka in my drinks.
The only word I understood in that whole setence was semen.
Just checked my recent transactions online. Between the hours of 1 and 3am on September 30th, I went to 7/11 4 times. Unacceptable.
She got a text from her mom saying "you better not sleep with him, we all know how he is". IV ONLY BEEN HERE A WEEK
At the party. I feel like I just walked into a lifesize blunt.
The guy in the American Flag bikini was telling the women he was disgusted at the amount of alcohol they weren't drinking. Then it got ridiculous.
We left the bar in 2 bicycle cabs. It cost thirty bucks and they took us to the wrong hotel. When we finally made it to the right one we ended up in a room with three randos from alaska. Jammed out with them for like an hour. Those inuits are good guitar players
I dont even remember coming home... All my stuff is strewn randomly around my apartment... And I woke up at 5 sitting propped up in my bed with just my arm in a shirt
I just tried to make cleaning gasoline off your shoes with toilet paper in the Chemistry Building bathroom look normal. I failed.
I had sex on a dinosaur comforter, tell me that does not define my life.
I went to finger her and found a penny. I think ill keep it.
Randomize
