i just carried on a conversation with my mother from another room mid-ejaculation. you would have done the same
A donut and a mojito for breakfast...Helloooooo Derby Wekkend!
apparently you can't crawl through the drive-thru window
He was at the bottom of the stairs showering himself with the popcorn, then eating a few handfuls and running around.
The fact that he is from Canada is way more embarrassing than the fact that you met him on match.com
I miss your penis. I'm telling you this as a friend, like its just a really great penis. You should be proud of it.
I asked him why he was eating an entire can of refried beans, the only answer I got was "revenge"
So I've been spending my morning trying to figure out if there's a corealation between Wednesday margarita night and the boat that's now in my living room.
Finally liberated my Star Trek DVD from my booty call's house. Captain Kirk would be so proud.
He told me I was "too flexible." Excuse me?
Dad is celebrating turning 45 by being drunk in a department store before two o'clock.
Taking a shit in a Texas 7/11... not accepting phone calls now lol
She'd probably like you more if you'd stop fucking her husband.
is it sad that a disney movie is making me horny?
So, I can officially cross "getting eaten out in a church confession booth" off my bucket list.
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