I think im pregnant
I think you have the wrong number
And then a tiny penis fell out of my purse
I told her the white crusty stuff on my boxers was frosting not cum. She seemed MORE grossed out then
I wanna get "leaving my dick in charge" drunk.
As i looked at his penis, it stared back into my soul. No more drinking games.
It's like someone is grabbing my scrodum with pliers and just hanging there.
I'm sorry, but the "Hobbit Slam" has to be a sex move.
Its not even real halloween yet. This extremely toxic yet briliant costume is going to kill me
can't believe I traded a good night's sleep and a midterm for your blurry tits
I think your high point was when the quesadilla was in your mouth and you were screaming "I can't chew!" and the Taco Bell guy just kinda stared at you like he wanted to strangle.
I need drugs. Hard drugs. Today. Not tomorrow. Today. Something relaxing.
Also, we found a geriatric Snoop Lion.
Mom and I shoplifted today. Her idea.
Retirement sounds fun.
I really need to curb my attractions to blondes with tattoo sleeves, firearms and alcoholism
She threw her burger out the car window last night. My vegan neighbors were not pleased but I’m pretty sure I saw a for sale sign go up on their lawn so I owe her one.
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