Remember when I use to call my dick 'the pendulum'
wtf?
It is now the artist formerly known as 'insideyourgirlfriend'
I wanted to google "huge banana" but I'm pretty sure all I'd get is dick pictures.
We broke two of his toes while having sex. He laughed said he'd fix it in the morning and kept going. I think I'm in love
I'm reciting my presentation (beer in hand) on the porch to a snowmen audience.
I'm really sorry I gave you road head last night and made you drive over and break the sprinkler system.
LSHMSFOAIDMT = laughing so hard my sombrero falls off and I drop my taco.
I inadvertently smoked 6 blunts at one time. We just kept passing them around...I didn't know what happened until it was over. I can't walk.
I'm starting to think my role in the world is to inject batshit crazy, mentally unbalanced chicks with a dose of normal sperm.
i love you man. i hope we fuck some serious shit up this summer.
I am having the most awesome nonsexual conversation about my vagina right now
Fair warning: I will be throwing corn dogs at you every time I see you this week.
Saw my drug dealer at Easter mass with his family so that was weird
Just heard a 15 minute program on the radio about how cases of gonorrhea in the throat and rectum are skyrocketing in the US. Almost crashed laughing so hard.
Sorry, who is this??
Here's the thing. Kinda drunk. Eating leftover soup. In bed. Watching Disney channel.
right now I am washing the alcohol and shame off from last night
Randomize
