Nah got too drunk to function...probably could have dragged something home over my shoulder if the cops didn't roll
At least make sure they are 18
Why
If a guy called my cleavage "mesmerizing" but is kinda related to me, does it still count?
I have no idea how to attract men with my personality anymore. He can't see my tits via facebook chat
And it just wouldn't be a Thursday night without me having to cuss out a foreigner. The streak continues.
I find out next week of the Australian was lying about his vasectomy or not. Keep your fingers crossed!
I just learned my tits were fire resistant. I should join the freakin circus
Its a first. Never been peed on in a line to concert. First time for everything.
She kept telling me it was a squirtgun.
I just saw a girl drinking wine and walking her dog in footie pajamas and a mad hatter hat. First day of the new year and I think I'm in love.
I feel like you should put up a missed connections ad for this..
Sometimes I wish I lived alone because there would be no one to judge me if I wanted to have whiskey and popcorn for breakfast.
I'm crying watching Rihanna at the VMAs. Periods are a bitch
You sending me our unborn, unfertilized babies' names is not what I envisioned when you said you'd "drunk text me later".
You literally snort drugs up your nose and you’re questioning the brand of the multivitamin right now?
Honestly, this social distancing bullshit is giving me a good excuse for drinking alone.
THREE MINUTES! THREE MINUTES PAST MIDNIGHT I STSRT HEARING CHRISTMAS MUSIC ON THE OVERHEAD PA SYSTEM!!!
Randomize
