we were both hunting dick last night. it ended terribly for both of us.
mom and grandma are in town. grandma wants to get drunk with you
apparently i found nail polish and started playing a game i made up called "paint a nail, do a shot"
Dude. She told me she felt bad for not giving me more blojobs. HOW COULD THAT HAVE GONE BETTER?
i just did the math...im a product of my mothers birthday sex
We didn't need to cut her off. I'm pretty sure the lit candle she almost drank would have done it for us
plus shes a stripper, ive been with strippers, if you fuck this up your penis will never forgive you
I succsesfully kept my nipples in my dress all night. Even when I got in a fight. I was made for the bar.
Ugh. This is the type of hangover that all other hangovers want to grow up to be.
Also he didn't buy condoms after we ran out last week. Luckily I had one, but I told him he should be more optimistic about getting laid
I have bruises all over my legs. Did I hit a car with my bike last night?
I put miralax in my rum/coke. Go hard or go home.
Apparently I bought a laptop last night, then gave the laptop to a friend who was going to give it to her friends' friend to put some cool shit on it. Anyway, I have no idea where my new laptop is now.
Just a typical Friday. Dinner, drinks, doing lines with a member of Congress
Want a bet? I'm a kinky and determined motherfucker with a libido that is not easily stopped
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