Crying babies in a bar. Really?
And she just changed the baby's diaper on the table. It's killing the beer garden.
Anddd after the worst sex of my life, he said.."do you mind taking off the condom, tying it up, and throwing it at the door?" Weird.
I opened up her dishwasher and all I found was a spoon, a juice glass and all her sex toys.
I mixed the ketchup wit the mustard in one bottle to save time making hotdogs
so far i wrote 500 words for a paper on sean paul performing we be burnin..i can officially do anything on adderral
My life has literally become a dickpocolypse. Thank you, summer, I missed you.
he was spitting whole peanuts projectile out of his mouth at the waitresses as they walked by and then yelled across the restaurant that he had "no problem kicking any of their asses"
bring the dog... nobody goes to jail with a dog.
I couldn't figure out her damn button fly jeans... IM NOT A FUCKING ENGINEER
I've got mace and a condom. Ready to roll either way and keeping my pimp hand strong.
It was the best of bangs; it was the worst of bangs.
Hopefully this dress says "let me rent your house" and not "let me suck your dick for money"
I AM EATING BACON AND CHEESE. FUCK THE BULLSHIT.
Just got thrown out of the club for making condom water balloons. I'm not ashamed.
Hey. You got pizza and sex. How much more can you ask for?
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