Eric just called. Says he's trapped in a cul de sac because the road disappeared. Wants me to tell him what street has the bushes that whisper sweet nothings into you ear and the wobbling purple pokemon. Oh, and a "bigger and better" penis is growing out of his belly button. He took shrooms by the way.
it's taking a lot of effort to be mature and not reply to her with like a video of bestiality porn
You should just wear a sign that says "I like cheap Chinese food and anal"
I like taco bell too
sounds like you fell off the wagon.
fuck falling off. at this point, the wagon is a dot on the horizon.
so just incase I die tonight I'm making a list of people that I don't want to be let in to my funeral
Leaving the dealer's house. He just gave me a sincere hug and said good luck. This cant end well.
Chasing shots by shotgunning beers is not a good idea.
He's like a perfect storm of amazing hair and horrible judgment.
I obviously couldn't but this on your fbook wall. I would get judge. I would willingly get tbagged by him. You can quote me on that.
What's the most polite way to say "Congrats on losing weight, but no one is happy your boobs got smaller."
well you're talking about the girl who after 4 years, several relationships and several fuck buddies, has yet to have sex in an actual bed
It's almost like a boob-text, but it's not. Because it was live. And you were showing a bunch of people.
Men are not even allowed to look at you without a condom on.
Smoked a blunt with my dad then introduced him to cinnabon delights. Today was a good day.
Let's FaceTime each other while we shotgun beers
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