apparently when i got back to tyler's i layed face down on the bed and yelled "don't hurt my asshole!"
I don't want to talk about it. He was like the Little Engine that couldn't get me off.
so he was shitfaced and kept using sticky notes to label everything like "beer spill" and "going to fuck later"
so i woke up this morning covered in mail. none of it is mine.
you made me "pop lock and drop it" as a sobriety test last night..
any chance you can send me your legal ethics outline, in exchange for say, me buying you a lapdance the next time we go to the strip club?
im not sure if this headache is from the car accident or cocaine withdrawl
he just left. I blew him in my kitchen while my parents slept down the hall. Welcome back home!
I wiped my mouth this morning with a pine tree branch after I threw up on the side of the road. Tis the season
Last thing I ever expected to say, "Get your finger out of my ear or I will stop sucking your dick."
He was "hot guy in the dark". One of us had to sleep with him. I took the bullet you're welcome.
Literally got mad at him this morning because we didn't have time to have sex for a third time. I think I'm getting greedy.
had a dream you helped me fill my shoes with yogurt. we were even like "why didn't we think of this before?!" like it was just so obvious
that sounds like something we'd do... we're onto something here
I feel like a girl who eats her problems away with fast food.
When all else fails, you can always look down at your enormous penis.
Woke up and took my pants off only to realize that I was wearing my shirt from last night as my underwear
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