I found my crush's facebook page. And his wife's. Apparently they are still in love. Of all the people to have happy marriages! Fuck, I'm depressed.
I was carrying him baywatch style into my place because he passed out.
So can we talk about how we all three made out with the bike taxi driver in lieu of paying him. I'm not even mad, that's resourceful. You know what married girls would have had to do? They'd have had to pay.
what part of what i said meant "bring a bowl"
"bouncy castle"
Too bad they don't have an emoji symbol for condoms and 99 cent tacos
Last comment. I know of no exercises, diets or practices out there to help keeping balls young and healthy. They simply succumb to gravity.
I just need three more girls to complete my 'Freak-a-leak' bang list. Know any girls named Zahra, Shavon, or Daronda?
I wish I could just hang out in ERs.
holy fuck man...it feels like I got beat the fuck out of by death's baseball bat...chimichangas?
The squirrels are partying on my roof again. Now they're just rubbing it in that I'm home alone on a Saturday night and they're having orgies.
I'm eating cake, naked, in bed. I am GREAT at being single.
I got dropped off at my house at like 1030. Woke up hugging a street cat I've never seen before. Ended up drinking 260 oz of beer. 65 types. Then went out after blehhhhhh
Does puke ruin car paint? Good thing it's raining.
I'm 2 weeks in to my all dick and carb diet and so far I've lost 2lbs.
I forgot to lock the door last night. I woke up cuz a guy opened my bedroom door, asked me who I was and where he was. And there was another guy standing in the living room asking me if I knew what apartment "Travis" lives in.
Randomize
