new low: just stole a ciggarette from a bum sleeping on the side of the street.
ohh what kind?
Ok so the guy below me is either having sex very loudly or is very lonely
ever seen your mom drunk enough to lick your face? i have
i just lost my virginity for the 9th time. when will guys stop believing that nonsense line
I just remember her telling me "Hi, my names Kaissa and I'm a lesbian" over and over and over and over again as I was crying.
As an added bonus, you will have a "25 blowjobs a month" voucher, expiring thirty days after the first initial bj.
When he grabbed my tits it felt like he was either giving me a mammogram or trying to pierce my nipples with his fingers.
She took one look at my hardon and said, "You have a dick built for anal."
That wasn't a compliment.
You drunkenly hook up with 5 people in one night and suddenly everyone tries to party with you.
I hope you get eaten by satanic starfish.
Drake has all the answers
We are best friends because we can vomit simultaneously in the same toilet and not care
Places I vomited today: hotel bathroom, in the cab to the airport, airport bathroom, airport terminal trashcan, plane seat 18E, and the plans bathroom
Fun wedding?
Yes. Very.
(919) the date's not going well. He's on his phone talking about his eBay amine shit...
Is there a subtle way to tell him he needs to hydrate? 8 years of yoga and kegels. He has no idea what I’m going to do to him this weekend
Randomize
