remember tomorrow: you burned the inside of your nose with incense. it hurt.
90% of the problems in your life are directly related to your vagina
look to my right... shes dancing like she's playing dance dance revolution and her character is a retarded, drunken moose
I'm at the laundry mat. This guy is here showing me his ankle monitor. The weird ones always find me.
Just got new surround sound speakers for my computer... I feel like I'm actually IN the porn now.
My dad just knocked on my door and told me that my vibrator was too loud
i'd be lying to you if i said i didn't just bring up microsoft excel to make an alcohol budget
I kind of want you to get arrested just so I could frame an avatar mugshot.
The air was thick with penises
I tried to force my roommate into a sink last night. And I almost won.
The things i do for you...I put all those condoms on a bed, complete with girl, and you sleep in the bathroom
when you're a senior and the freshman guy you wake up next to asks who you are, you DO NOT give him your real name.
How weird would it be for me to get 1 hour photos printed at CVS of my partially or all nude?
My liver is going to reject life during Greek Week
How many liver transplants can a person have? Bc you may need a couple
They think I fractured my spine while doing your cousin on concrete.
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