You were playing beer pong by yourself. Finally someone took the ball and threw it into the bonfire. You sat by it, cried, and contemplated how to get it out. For 45 minutes.
That sucks. I just talked to a telemarketer for 15 minutes about CSI: Miami and weed.
He said last night that he'd never had such a great conversation and such a great handjob at the same time.
Dude she pregamed for her sorority's philanthropy.
Remember when we had a keg, and then another 5 cases... and like 30 people drank it all?
Everything hurts.
The only image of you you know is from reflections or pictures. Its 2d. But what other people see is 3d. How do you know that's your real face! MIND.BLOWN.
He professed his love for me while I danced on a picnic table with a bottle of Absolut. I said thank you and walked away.
Was behind a guy going 20 for 4 miles I'll be there as soon as the universe quits fucking me
THESE BITCHES NOT IN MY MAJOR BETTER NOT FILL UP MY SLAVIC FAIRYTALES CLASS
I hate drunk me more than anyone else in this world
He used the term 'cock-staggering' in an email. So needless to say things are going pretty well.
Asking for a friend: is it frowned upon to eat pizza while you materbate or does it just mean you are fantastic at multitasking?
One less thong to worry about.
One less *thing! But probably that too.
The last time the Patriots won the Super Bowl I lost my virginity. I can only imagine what'll happen if they win this year.
Where'd you go?
Laundry, im. A responsible drunk
Randomize
