i feel like pocahontas...the disney character not from real chance of love
This threesome is so guaranteed that dinner feels like a charade
he called you a drunk bob the builder and you proceeded to explain how you were going to build ramps throughout the house
Your panties and toothbrush are in your mailbox. just not ready to be with anyone serious. take care.
When you get here, kick me in the balls. It's really important. - I'll explain later.
I think I'm gonna wear a bikini to our final tomorrow...just so he knows that no fucks will be given on his test
I won't trust your judgement until the word stripper doesn't make me laugh
The cleaning lady has a form she makes me sign every time she finds me passed out in my office so she can keep track of how much to charge me each month for keeping quiet about it.
As he was going down on me, I looked over his shoulder and said "ohh a Christian mingle commercial is on"
Walgreens has pop rocks. Be prepared to get your dick sucked.
Two things. 1) party at my house this Friday 2) what was the name of the Australian you fucked on the cruise ship?
Like Is it appropriate to tell your boss you banged a guy in the back of a truck at a wedding? Probably not.
Knows all the good gay bars AND has a dog? Wtf can't I drop pizza on guys like that????
Where the hell did you pick this girl up? She just licked my cat and stole our last poptart.
it was a hallmark card with butt plugs.
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