HELP! I am trapped in a douchebag ad... full of Affliction and Ed Hardy. Seriously? is he gonna leave his sunglasses on the entire 10 seconds of this encounter?
I just saw my grandmother naked. again. this needs to stop now.
My "High Times" magazine came in today, as well as my girlfriend's new sex toys. We're calling in sick today.
Those 2 guys from the sonic commercial will be virgins for life.
you know you made some mistakes when your last two boyfriends are both obsessed with women's curling...
thursday was literally the first time i didnt drunk eat since the bush administration and it was only because i was fucking someones boyfriend. making a mental note to do that more often.
as he left, i held up my fist and said "pound it out" and he was like "are you serious, we just had sex..."
Can you explain my first weekend back, because there a lot of blacked out gaps and 32 friend requests i would like to know about
I just saw her shopping list. The only things on it are blackberries, hot fudge and condoms. I almost don't wanna know. Almost.
I had to throw a towel over the bottles cuz it hurts to look at them
he's the only person i know who can drink himself into and out of alcohol poisoning.
I can't say "baby i'm to high to talk to you" in Starbucks.
Think I just subconsciously wanted a cigarette and started sleep walking to Carl's.. Didn't realize what I was doing until I found myself in an elevator.
Other than unclothed paranormal encounters, how has your day been
If this gives you any indication of my current state, I stopped at Meijer after work and bought funyuns, pregnancy tests and chocolate.
Randomize
