it can't be normal that my body odor smells like fries
watching "look who's talking now." getting choked up at the end when they find each other at the cabin
doesn't that movie star kirstie alley and have talking dogs in it? new low...even for you
We should probably avoid doing this again, but hey it was a nice one time thing to tell the grandkids about... Hopefully they don't end up being YOUR grandkids.
I've decided to tape numbers to the bottom of my heels corresponding to the number of drinks I can safely consume in them.
You know the party was great when the birthday girl gets arrested
He just gave himself a boner while driving using "the power of his mind"
at what point last night did i decided to have a photo shoot with your camel toe
He was all like, "I've prayed every single day just for one more night with you."
Omg just give him a quick handy and walk out.
Nothing brings people closer than bonding over tequila shots and running from campus security.
From what I can tell at a cursory glance, it seems that last night I fell asleep on string cheese and it melted into my bra.
They have some sort of agreement that they can sleep with other people if it helps then achieve their goal, or something like that
How awkward
Yeah it's pretty fucked up
Btw, you're my emergency contact at Planned Parenthood
Dude the little bong I just got fits nicely in the cup holder in my car. The gods approve of my habits.
The laundromat is nothing like In the pornos
My New Years resolution is to not hook up with random guys.
Mine is to not hook up with anyone who has a kid.
Randomize
