That was definitely a porn plot just waiting to develop...
two more shots til everyone in this club gets to see my cesarean scars.
How do you say "I always respond to booty calls" when you give a guy your number?
I wonder if he just picks random boners to send or just the realy impressive ones
my bedside table was not meant to hold this many beer bottles.
Seius question. Does a penis floar when ina baht? Must find out.
I do wanna see you. And we can just lay here and watch a movie and listen to me cry.
i think the title to my autobiography shall be, "a bottle of vodka and various pieces of meat"
and this is why you're my favorite gay friend.
Can we just discuss how hundreds of miles away we were both beyond drunk and in some boys bed. That is the definition of friendship.
not sure if destroying him emotionally was worth it but damn it's a fucking hilarious story
He called me for phone sex. Do you know how hard it is to fake an orgasm, and play Candy Crush at the same time?
Hey remind me the get the pancakes out of my jacket
I just realized that Margarita Wednesdays are so much better now when followed by No Work Thursdays.
I’d feel the same about religion. We can talk about it, but I want you to go down on me first
Who knew removing piercings would be so radical?
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