omg i can't drink anymore.. i just pulled up my dress and started playing with my vagina
i woke facing the corner with my computer and i had googled "how to put out a fire" i am so scared to turn around
I may do that, fyi I'm even more sore than I was yesterday. It's like the ghost of your dick is still inside me.
Too long to explain. Basically I started an electircal fire. No one was hurt except for a box of cereal near the outlet.
He just said he was the Jesus of alcoholics.
It was just a squirrel
You act like its normal to see a squirrel in the bar
Apparently she doesn't appreciate the significance of eskimo sisterhood as much as I do.
Thats the worst face I've ever seen you make an I've seen you throw up in your own hair.
second attempt at shower sex: failed after the water turned orange bc of a fire up the street. this is just not meant to be
Jake bring pizza.
JAKE BRING PIZZA.
In that case, I'll try 2 find a date. But my options are AA friends or fuck buddies.
Amanda bynes is my spirit animal
no one ever believes me when I try explaining to them that your straight. I'm all like, "yeah that's his girlfriends dress he's stretching out"
Why is everyone judging me for telling the cat a bedtime story?
the last i saw he was butt naked on the top deck of the bus trying to conduct a drunken choir so i really have no idea
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