walking home from your place the other day I saw a man with a ponytail sitting on some church steps petting a plant
he should get drunk with us
fuck that im pissed. when I come back im ripping forskin off.
My last google search was "mavis beacon techs tping" Thank god google auto corrects bc otherwise i wouldn't know that i drunk-type 13 words a minute.
You kept throwing bottles at the dorm across the courtyard and when anyone told you to stop you just said "who are you? Al Gore?"
Either call me back or tell me you're in jail. For fucks sake. If this is a cop, just help out. national league.
We were dancing and she was clawing my stomach like a fat kid getting to a half broken pinata.
Myy bathroom floor makes me think I'm on Mars. Also. Did you realize that yesterday we perfected thee mind high-five??
Ew. He is mine. We all know that if he has a mid-life crisis and decides to sleep with a student, I AM THAT STUDENT. She's not friends with him on FB. Reassuring.
I'm not allowed back because I may or may not have insulted his beer. And the entire Czech Republic.
Whatever. I just want to indulge in this mcchicken and forget all about his tiny penis.
dave might be using McDoubles to pay for dances
he has gotten at least 7 lap dances out back
Where is Holly?
Nevermind. i can hear her having sex two doors down
All I know is that I got to have an orgasm yesterday during sex so nobody can put a damper on my day, NOBODYYYYYY
My fuck it list is complete! I finally got a firefighter!
Last night was a bad idea. I'm hungover and the contents of my purse smell like Korean BBQ.
Randomize
