An eyelash just fell out into my container of rice. Searching for it, i took a single piece of rice out at a time coming to the coclusion that i should not be this high while eating rice.
it tasted disgusting. but i pretty much drank it in the name of science, and free alcohol
i took my sailor hat off and used it as a vom bucket
you reached into a lemon drop to pull out a lemon of someone else's drink..
Omg. I felt like a crazed animal last night. My lesbian instincts burned a hole in my panties.
I blew him while he was standing up and he drooled on my head
Hell hath no fury like a woman whose gay sidekick you insult
Just got our of the shower. I'm standing naked in front of my open windows cause fuck my neighbors that's why
it's ok my mom asked me why i had a guys shirt on and also why there was chocolate all over my bra
Get my husband this drunk again I will rip off your balls off with my bare hands and then cut them up with a dirty axe like fish bits. Do you understand me? DO YOU UNDERSTAND ME?! See you at breakfast, FUCK FACE. I'll shove that bottle of Jamison so far up your ass you'll still be praying in 2020 you can take a shit! Seriously, you make it hard to be your best friend.
Well. At least he's a gentleman. A gentleman satanist.
I'm so sexually frustrated I feel like I'm going to kill my turtle
Fuck that guy and his dumb haircut and awesome dick
What the fuck dude?
Sorry bro...
YOU HUMPED ME FOR AN HOUR WHILE YELLING "I GOTTA ASSERT DOMINANCE"
He told me he would make me come so hard I would throw up. I'm actually horrified that he thinks that's something any person would want
Randomize
