Then all the boys were saying that they were amazed at how much i could smoke...i'm so proud of myself
it's like i can feel the ghost of his dick still inside me
is it bad i banged a 25yr kindergarten teacher last night?
No thats like a top 10
I think i accidentally made vodka pancakes
I am not old enough to be running into past fucks at the bank. This is at least a twenty five year old milestone.
I remember sitting there at the toilet, bleeding everywhere and thinking, "I walked from my bedroom to here. What happened?"
You slept with a red coat way too close to independence day. It's just very unpatriotic.
They seemed upset when they walked out and saw a penis in a mouth
Jesus Christ that hit just spoke to so many levels of my soul. It's caressing them softly
Guess who just bought an ounce of pot via Paypal, and paid for it with my airline Visa card to earn miles?
Congratulations. That business degree is finally worth every penny it cost you.
I was standing in my mom's kitchen in only my neon green thong, eating pizza over the garbage can, and sobbing while he was yelling at me.
Also did I tell you guys about the time that I balled for like an hour at a frat and made them play wagon wheel and then cleaned their bathroom
Saw the Peanut butter guy at checkout he had at least 30 containers of it and like 6 different kinds...
well i can officially check "have sex in a prius" off my bucket list...
what the fuck happend anyway? How did it go from smoothies after work to blacking out?
Randomize