finally achieved: got laid in the religion section of borders. thought you should know.
Have you ever seen an entire lecture hall fist pump? It's magical.
still finding ketchup in my shoes. thanks to graduation that is probably the last time ill ever say that..
Apparently I got mad at you for "Not drinking with me till we thought we were seahorses" and smashed my face on your door. Then I put my feet in the oven and started crying because I was drinking alcohol from a pot. My life is spinning out of control.
Sometimes you gotta take mushrooms and swim on a rooftop pool to figure out your relationship
i woke up in just my socks. my clothes were outside, he had rugburn on his elbows, and a window was broken.
Yup, two strangers look up at each other and realize the only connection they have is the dead woman they banged to death below them. Magic. They have to be best friends now.
They started shooting fireworks out of a dryer. It was my cue to leave.
I don't think meeting his drug dealers counts as a relationship landmark.
THERE IS A MOTHERFUCKING HUMMINGBIRD FLYING AROUND IN OUR HOUSE RIGHT NOW HOW DO I GET IT OUT????
Your vagina is not a steamboat from the 1800's
it was an ACCIDENT
it was a DICK
I just woke up in his bed.. in a cardboard castle, with a Justin Bieber poster on the ceiling staring down at me, cuddling with 4 empty PBR cans. I win.
you said you were the change fairy and you kept throwing all of your quarters at me.
I may have just got motorboated by a male stripper who told me I should be a porn star and not a vet student.
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