Megan Fox is the only woman I would let pee on me.
I'm similar. She's the only woman I'd ask to pee on me.
Ok yeah you're right. I'd ASK Megan Fox to pee on me. I'd ALLOW Erin Andrews to pee on me if she asked.
you want my honest opinion? I'm sure refering to her vagina as the "bat cave" was your first mistake.
You all can go fuck yourselves. As far as I'm concerned, don't come back to karaoke.
He blew a .19 and then slurred "well I did have some rum cake earlier today officer".
I had fun last year but I was one half of the hoe train back then. At least I'll feel better about myself as a person this year.
I'm going to miss going to the strip club though.
I just ate a can of beans for dinner so I can afford to go get a 5$ bottle of wine. I really did not think these choices would still be necessary at age 25.
my mom just walked in on me in the shower doing the "ass hair shave" pose.
Exact words that were just spoken as she was on her 6th, yes 6th piece of bread: "I'm only eating the soft and chewy inside of the bread-I am taking the crust home to feed my turtles"
He fell into the beer pong table and broke it. Then he threatened to throw the toliet at us if we didn't let him keep playing
You offered the police officer a Snickers ice cream bar and cried when he wouldn't take it...
No, it's like a legit blood drive. It's not just her out in some parking lot with needles and ziplock bags
75% of the time I swipe right on Bumble for girls over 40 is because I think their 18 year old daughter is hot.
He just got back from doing field research studying wild chimpanzees in the goddamn jungle. Obviously I fucked him.
its 4am. iam sitting in the luggage car of the train eating beef jerkey. i feel like a hobo.
dont insult. no hobo is as pathetic as you.
Dude, I'm pretty sure I just drank iced tea last night and yet I'm still hungover. What the fuck is my body anymore ?
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