been sitting in chapter for 25 minutes. drinking last night's franzia out of a XXX vitamin water 10 bottle. recruitment chair has no idea. life is good.
I am watching the symphony and have decided that violin players probably give really good hand jobs.
She just flushed the toilet with her head inside it...
Minus the pink eye. Do I look fuckable tonight?
For future reference "I'm too drunk to come today" is an acceptable line to get out of work. I love my job
It would only make sense that I'd cheat on him with his best friend on the ides of march...
strip teases shouldnt end with an expensive car covered in salsa and mayonnaise yet here we are
His dick is a spiritual experience and meditation is very important to me.
Do not buy a prego test at the Walgreens you frequent. It's awkward. Just trust me.
He told me he felt the only proper thing to do was fuck me to the top of the corporate ladder
really who shits their pants then locks themselves out of their apartment? ... I threw my underwear out in a random bathroom
that lady just saw me taking a picture of her baby... It's time to leave.
You stole my car to go to your boyfriends. Now your parents are fucking in the next room at top volume, and I have no way to escape..thought you should know that the amount of therapy I'll be needing for this is expensive.
You're the best friend ever.
all i remember is arguing with the chick that yahoo was better than google
all you were doing was yelling YAHOOOOO in her face
so i won
Turns out your granddad is cooler than you. We're taking him on our New year's eve pub crawl instead. Sorry.
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