grandma shit on top of the toilet
The cop didn't care that I was peeing on the wall of my dorm building... All he said was, "come on, it's 9am."
Wait, we're on the hunt for addys and explosives. They're both in this house somewhere.
I just ran up four flights of stairs in heels, im getting an orgasm tonite.
juast therw a cheeeeesestirng over the fnce. stuckit to sombodys car winheild... gonna luagh if i find it mlted in the mrning.
she left with her roommate. or at least i think she did. but i also just thought i ate candy corn but i'm hal convinced it was candle wax.
I just put my hair into this ponytail & it looks hideous & really cool at the same time. I am dedicating it to the hangover I have
I remember just enough about last night to wish I didn't remember anything.
I mean, as I was vomiting in front of a giant crucifix I became acutely aware of my poor choices
I was using my Beauty and the Beast blanket as a makeshift skirt because no pants
I've been to his house multiple times since that night and I STILL can't find my bra. And he says the hot tub ate my thong.
Last night I was introduced as the Picasso of getting fucked up so I obviously had to live up to it by chugging long islands
Sorry, that was mean and I didn't mean it. I'm just mad at condoms
Remind me to tell you all about the topless girl on the street who attempted to taze me.
How do I say “I have great tits” without it sounding awful
Randomize
