The world would be so much better with thought bubbles.
I just realized i masturbated to the home shopping network. I either need to get a boyfriend asap, or a subscription to a porn website, or i just need to stop taking ambien
All I remember is drinking vodka out of tupperware.
I think he'd cut a tree down for me. He's from North Dakota. That's something hot guys do there, right?
Chick stood right next to me in the elevator. Like she had the whole elevator and she stood right next to me. So I farted.
Well it was 11am and we were walking to the market with red cups in our hands yelling NO JUDGEMENT at every car that passed
Props to the guy on crutches playing edward forty hands. Dedicated to drinking games is an understatement.
Can we pretty pretty please go to Mardi Gras tomorrow? I promise I'll be a good girl and not puke in a pledges car
Between the puerto rican elf, the fat marine, the deaf guy and the ex coke head I've got a good preview if the men in this city...
I had to break it to her that she was not in fact behind the bushes when she peed on the church last night
He was chasing Ciroc shots with sips of Captain Morgan... he didn't make it to midnight
You are hereby uninvited from future Turnt Tuesdays until further notice.
he asked me where I was going to school, and then we started having sex, and I answered his question forty five minutes later after we were done. It was the chilliest thing ever.
Dicks are not precious.
I had an awesome dream where you were a stegosaurus and I was a triceratops and we were hiding from a t-rex and had mad dino sex
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