I will show your tits more attention than Michael Jackson's death.
My cat puked at the same time as me. Makes me feel better about myself, except he can stand and I can't.
I just got a drinking merit badge from a slutty girl scout
no i did not stop my best friend from eating out my sister...bros before hoes
It's been a wonderful constant drunkeness. We played Marco polo with some random like 8 yr olds in the kiddie pool.
theres a note on the fridge that says "guess what i peed in" and a half-full bottle of apple juice front and center. why did you let him in the house?
It was my little brother's 14th birthday today. Didn't know what to get him so I just showed him how to use incognito tabs on google chrome.
Taking my underwear off at work was one of my better decisions this weekend
I was screaming out for people to gather the townsmen and the mayor so we could hang him
And then he serenaded me with "Pimps don't cry" from 'The Other Guys'. If that's not love I'm not sure what is
You came running into my room at 4 in the morning yelling "SANCTUARY!" and flung yourself into bed.
Hmmm, sounds like a Jaeger night then. Did I at least get to be the little spoon?
This is the third time my roommate and I have drunkenly hooked up. I'm starting to think she's not as straight as she says she is.
Let's try finding a bar where there aren't people who want to hang me from a tree by my nutsack
I feel like we'd have a lot of fun being drunk at a dog show.
I can't imagine a friend I would rather lose my virginity to in a threesome.
Randomize
