porn star on stage now. Get unkicked out.
So I tried to call my phone from his phone and was like, "hey, my name is not in here..I thought you had my number" turns out he has my number saved as "gives good head"
We're cuddling on the couch that me and his brother had sex on...this feels wrong
He ended up letting us go, I think he just felt sorry for us. It's the only time that my night's gotten worse after I've taken my pants off.
Easy Mac is falling out of my sweatshirt as I'm walking down the street.
I fell asleep with all the lights and heat on in the apartment with windows open, Earth Hour is lost on people like me.
He wanted to feed hamburgers to the homeless... as a first date... who the fuck is this kid
We tried to make ramen in a glass bowl on the stove. They called facilities to pick the glass out of the door
That awkward moment when the dude you blew on camera in college friend requests you on Facebook.
Who is this?!????
That awkward moment when you think you're texting a friend the above statement, but instead you text a stranger.
This is a whole new generation of premature ejaculators
Now all I want to do is stay up, drink wine, and look at dragons.
I keep having dreams where I tie him up and eat cookies off of him while riding him. Wtf brain.
I possibly am a tad bit not really but maybe slightly intoxicated.
I've had way too many dicks in my mouth the past two weeks. Ready to go back to school and be a doctor now
The last time I saw you you got angry and yelled "WHISKEY DOESNT COUNT" ... I think that's at least a 7 on the hotmess scale.
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