this girl and her friend just showed up at my house. standing together, theylook exactly like the number 10. this has cockblock written alllllll over it.
Why I am the classiest girl you know: just mixed drinks for everyone on the baby changing station at the movie theater.
Nope it's a specific set of cards not like a normal ace, queen king thing....kinda like UNO, but instead of yelling UNO you get shitfaced
Someone sharpied 'shit show' on my tits. Someone with excellent penmanship
That's the last time I try to be adventurous at a gas station
The best time of year to be high is WHEN THE KING CAKES ARE HALF OFF BECAUSE MARDI GRAS IS OVER YEEEEEEEEEEEEAAAAAAAAHHHHHHHHH
i officially have more pictures of his dick than pictures of us together
For the record it's 1026 and you told me I could leave you in the bathroom.
If you were wondering whether I accidentally FaceTime called the undergrad who works for me in lab during a particularly graphic blow job last night, then the answer is yes.
Im in the bathtub drunk. Less than an hour before the interview. This will be the best or worst career move ever., support?
I'm that hungover student in class ... On a wednesday morning
Omg I think I'm in the wrong class
I told him I wanted to "ride him like a show pony" I think he gets the picture
We had a weird moment. Mid-sex he started talking. It went along the lines of "I. FUCKING. LOVE.....this condom..."
Asking the homeless man what buss shelter is the warmest was not a good idea
I think I'll bring the beer we scavenged from that other party. What goes around comes around, especially when it's Corona because that shit is not staying in my fridge
Randomize
