I think i ate a live goldfish last night. that i caught with my hand in a kiddie pool. my stomach really hurts.
So it's like pop-o-matic trouble, but with penises
Where you at
assisting at a photo shoot in williamsburg till 7ish. wassup?
Doesn't matter. I already jerked off in your bed.
He just screamed at her, "if you pass out i am still having sex with you!!!" In front of the entire party.
Fun fact: tonight on intervention was the guy who did my tattoo
just heard a swedish guy suck in helium and speak in his accent. top 5 favorite moments. ever.
I can't believe he would be such an ass
Your boobs are way too big for you to be worrying about anything.
he found you with your pants down, trying to straddle the urinal. no one should have to see their sister like that. ever.
The next time you try to involve a tickle me Elmo in my orgasm, I'm leaving you
Whatever. I'm just trying to get my dick sucked while taking online harmonica lessons
My biggest accomplishment thus far this summer is having sex 5 weeks after hip surgery.
If I never see my landlord's dick again, it'll be too soon.
You can't call dibs on the bed... every time you party you KO in the bathtub
I woke up with a dick pic from the ex-Mormon via email. Not really what I wanted to see before my first cup of coffee this morning, but I gotta say, I'm impressed.
I jizzed in his mayonnaise and put it back in the fridge. Shouldn't have stolen my weed.
Randomize
