so the situation is a+b=c where "a" is how much you weight, "b" is my gravitational pull, and "c" is how erect your penis is.
I read the police report. You asked the cop if you could use his in-car computer to update your facebook. No way you get out of a DUI.
im pretty sure you tried to fart so bad you accidently pissed your pants at my party.
separated laundry into 'got laid' and 'didn't get laid' piles.
I just got this text "hi this is Julie, I met you last night in the bathroom. You asked me to text you and remind you that you ate an entire lime, because you figured your sober self in the morning would be confused."
As added birth control I warned him that if he knocked me up tonight I would name the baby Truck.
the welcome home hickey he left on my boob is really gunna put a damper on the rest of my thanksgiving hook up plans with the rest of my ex's
When you put it that way it sounds like my vagina is a parking garage to be monitored by security guards
Never ever ever ever ever ever give your number to a 30 year old at buffalo wild wings. Ever ever ever.
I told him to pick up the beer can he threw in front of the police station. So he gets out chugs whatever's left and throws it back and says ok let's go.
i told her i wanted to be the Neil Armstrong of her vagina,
Is it wrong that I want to do a nude photo shoot with nothing but a light saber?
I can't go to class, I have all this weed to sell
I just took a service station dump so foul I had to buy gas out of guilt
His name isnt in my phone as “Satan’s spawn” for no reason. #devildick
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