Hey baby girl when you gonna let my tongue get up in that ass like i'm an explorer trying to go deep under on a quest for the lost city of atlantis
your text was fucking rediculious. Will let you eat my asshole though.
i had a dream that i had so much marijuana that i didn't know what to do with it. i woke up and cried.
you refused to leave the drive-thru at mcdonalds until the cashier took a jello shot
I need a legitimate reason as to why the microwave door is in the shower
In case you were wondering, it hurts when the bouncer throws your phone at you after kicking you out of the strip club for taking pictures.
I can hear her moaning. I'm on some random guy's counter. He wanted me to cuddle but I said I didn't know how.
Dude, you need to understand there is a fine line between "guilty pleasure" and in the closet gay
Won't anyone wonder why I'm mute, bald, and wearing an eye patch?
Really? I thought your parents stopped loving you when you drunkenly fell through the ceiling...
Check the mailbox while you're out!
I already looked this morning. You go check and see what you won on Ebay after your day drinking spree.
Who doesnt want to be Yoda? I mean seriously, how sweet would that be? Live to 400, not give a shit about love and all that, know fucking mind tricks and smoke awesome swamp weed. I'm down.
I can't ever look his wife in the eye again. She will see right through my soul to his dick pic.
EITHER I'M HIGH OR JUST REACHED A NEW LEVEL OF SINGLE FEMALE SADNESS BECAUSE THIS BROWNIE IS GIVING ME ORGASMS
Would the comment "Down Goes Frasier" be too inappropriate at this time?
We're about to get drunk and it feels wrong without you
Randomize
