there should be a rule- if you jizz on it, you wash it
he said i took off my shirt and wrote "help HATI" on my tits, and charged people to motorboat me..... i'd like to say i woke up with 267$ in my purse
I walked downstairs and there were 50 sorority girls. I wasn't expecting an audience during my walk of shame.
Just found a partially digested mushroom under my bed. Thanks for that.
You told them to let you give him stitches claiming you were a certified nurse because you've taken plant biology classes
I'm standing outside of the bar watching homeless men teach a kid how to pee of the sidewalk.
Some advice...don't play drunk rock em sock em robots. With actual people. I have bruises EVERYWHERE.
I thought the cops would know I was on shrooms because I was 10ft tall.
Vom Wallet is no more. We now boldly enter a responsible, adult era where we will not throw up liquor onto ourselves.
If your boss lets you sleep on his couch, you don't pay him back by boning his daughter.
You don't have a wife, you don't have a dog, and you need a new bong. Don't make this any worse than that.
Ask him to BK for an ice cream cone and do him in the car. That counts as a date
You gave me the best orgasm of my life. I'm buying you a house
He dated a girl who could do the damn splits on his dick like how do you compete with that
Whatever you wanna call it i just wanna get railed tonight
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