I just saw a man with a full beard and frosted tips
there is no god
just got out of a noise viloation because the cop recognized my roomate as his favorite chipotle burrito roller. just another reason I love ritos
she asked if i had a condom...i said yes...when we finished it wasnt on...told her it was at home on my dresser.
my bedside table was not meant to hold this many beer bottles.
She is the perfect woman. She cooks, gives good head and doesn't care that I have a small penis.
i remember getting really pissed off when you wouldn't let me sleep in the garage with your cat.
Even jesus won't love me after tonight. I'm going hard.
1 be hot 2 flirt with everyone 3 use hotness to make people do things for you. It's a simple model.
By the end of the night I was using him as a leg rest and he was handing me pizza rolls when I wiggled my hand. It's a proven method.
If I EVER wake up with two black eyes again you better come up with a better story than trying to see how many punches I could take.
Dude. There's gotta be an article in Cosmo about it cause I've had three different girls tongue tickle my brownie this month.
Woke up in your shoes. Please tell me you woke up in mine
There has been a song made about you fucking his roommate.
It's destiny.
I found you laying in a field of grass near the trail I jog on in the morning like a drunken Bambi.
You ever just SEE a guy and know he's good at choking someone out?
It's 3 am.
Every time I see this chick she's swimming naked at a pool party. That's gotta mean something right?
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