i need an iv and a liver transplant
Getting a high five from your dog when you're stoned is one the greatest rewards of being a pet owner.
They should try giving mcdonalds to cancer patients because it just cured the worst hangover ive ever had
A burger king employee called me from your phone while you were on their bathroom floorl. Hope ur not in jail....4 realz
its coolsest when we hear the beat in our water bottles. and the likghts are in his eyes now. oh holland
i'm soo broke, the only trip i can afford for spring break is acid
If I get to the point of singing Man of Constant Sorrow then please god let me do it, record it, then cut me off.
We found her on the balcony debating if it was easier to jump or throw up. Neither decision would not have been good for the 91 year old below us.
Eye drops are like seatbelts of being high. Think about it
All I've been thinking about for the past 12 hours is sex and SEAWORLD
Honestly I was sitting in managerial accounting thinking "I really need to get my shit together and stop drinking so much wine." But when you asked I realized... it's wine. It's always a yes.
Your the only person to come back from spring break with a non std related infection
I came to the conclusion that Tinder and having the day off are not good for my relationship.
The single life is the freaking dream dude. I'm sitting here naked, eating chocolate mousse, and watching Gilmore girls. It's wonderful
That same damn squirrel keeps staring at me like I did something wrong. Nature knows when you're hung over.
Randomize
