Dude why does my asshole itch so bad?
I'll teach you how to wipe better
Hey guys, just to let you know, I have a boyfriend...so that hookup was kind of a one time thing.
was that a mass text??
Its against the rules to not make you aware of his virgin situation prior to penetration
How do you set tits on fire ? I swear her tits were on fire.
Crumbling up chips, putting them in salsa, eating with spoon. New level of stoner fatassery. Its so genius/delicous i'm not even ashamed
Frats are adorable. They make mediocre guys think they're worth a shit.
...the American dream.
it wasn't sex so much as.....a disastrously uncomfortable sexual experience
i didnt have any regrets until i found out he was a freshman.... and the only reason he got into yale was because of soccer... and he wasnt premed.
He came over drunk in a speedo i told him he has my vote he said who are you voting for when i said obama he took off running and shouting i was worthless like an empty beer can
Fucked her on the patio while some dude drove by on a mower. He waved. Twice.
Nothing kills the mood like him going to slap my ass and he hits his balls at the same time
You both snapchatted me that. Like, I just got a double dose of penis pastry.
You licked my eyeball, you are officially cut off. If you just missed you can have a second chance on Friday.
Did I seriously answer the door for a home delivery of weed from you and your boss while wearing last night's 80s rockstar face paint?
Dude whoeverrs house this is has only creeam cheese and beer in the fridge. Thats my kinda diet
Randomize
