Ill pay your DUI fine if you just come see me nooooowwwww
no. its 2:30am and im not going to jail for a booty call
The dentist just called my mother to confirm the appointment that I made on his answering machine at 4:33 am this morning..
My social work teacher just told our class about her bicurios adventures in college
is she hot?
She is now
I'm kind of concerned that there are now two different videos of me with knives
I ended up with a bullet proof vest and I still don't know his last name.
i walked in on you eating. you had the fridge wide open and you were rotating between steak and handfuls of captain crunch.
I'm in the room..It's full of lost souls and sadness. I can taste the salt of their tears. This final might take a few freshman today..
I command you to take a shot and dance like the pretty little gay boy you are.
Sorry, I am not your wing girl tonight,. in my pjs, eating cereal from the box. Hell I only shaved the inside of my legs just so they wouldn't itch. Not happening.
The 3 year old I'm babysitting is the first guy to tell me he loves me sober in like 2 years
Considering that your "hello" was replaced with "Fuck yo couch," I'm not surprised that you have a black eye.
No don't worry! What are obnoxious, alcoholic, slut roommates for if not for uplifting words and tales of my folly?!
If you're into enormous nipples, you should ask out my office's receptionist.
I walked in on him fucking her whilst she ate skittles. I saw things no one should see, but I did get your bra back. You owe me.
I'm eating a bagel on the toilet and watching porn. Trust me, I've got my priorities straight.
Randomize
