"you've got the devil in yuh. the curse of Jesus is coming on your sex soon." That's what a homeless guy just told me.
you dont seem to understand my overwhelming need to watch space jam right now
I was hoping we just happened to wake up naked and I hadn't fucked him.... no such luck.
he's from indiana, of course he's clueless about "g-spots"
you realize that if you hadn't mouthed "we're getting laid tonight", i wouldn't have woken up with your ex this morning. just sayin
There's something really special about 3:00 in the afternoon drunk that just can't be duplicated at any other time of day.
Quick question, how many times can you get chlamydia before your vagina just gives up and falls off?
So i just got guilted into doing a tequila shot by a group of guys chanting "USA!" at me.
Don't feel bad, we're professionals and we just housed burgers in burger king singing I believe I can fly
Good morning love! Friendly reminder that we decided to make leggings with a vagina zipper. "For the winter quickie"
He's my ex's boss. I'm not above sleeping with him for that fact alone.
My apartment looks like the apocalypse of sobriety.
Got 3360 Shoppers points for buying Plan B. I guess this all worked out for the best.
We'll just play naked Twister, the rest will take care of itself
last night I learned that if you try to buy tacos in this town, that you will be stopped by three cop cars with breathalizers
Randomize
