i was in the bathroom puking my brains out, a girl walked in and said "i just came to do the same thing" so i told her i would move over and share the toilet. its better than being alone.
I think I should become a real estate agent in th friend zone I know the place so well
I don't believe these are real court rooms. They look absolutely nothing like law and order.
All I know is I woke up next to her beside the toilet
Just found a 7-11 receipt for new years eve at 1:30 am apparently we felt the need to buy three jars of pickles and a gallon of milk does this ring any bells?
She actually pushed her roomie out of the way and said 'You already fucked him it's my turn!'
How many times can I tell him that I wasn't expecting sex before he finally figures out that I'm just too lazy to shave?
Why do they give me cups on $8 pitcher night? I HAVE A PITCHER.
I just told a kid I was in a wheelchair because Santa shot me due to me being on the naughty list. You should have seen this little bastards face
She needs sedatives and a leash
There's someone howling in the parking lot. Haha.
Saved a second guy who was crying/on the verge of wigging out. Just call me the drug whisperer.
DIBS ON THE NEW GUY.
NO. NO FUCKING YOUR COWORKERS
Hey, don't blame me for the shitty evening; I wasn't the one who promised hookers, Dos Equis and foster kittens. Keith was.
I fell out of my bed whilst trying not to move this morning. I AM ADULT
I had ice cream for breakfast two days in a row.
SUPER ADULTS
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