OMG I just tried to text you something dirty but accidentally texted the obama campaign
I wanna do crazy things to you in a tent
fuckk wrong person
.. who was that for? a girlscout?
The seats are awesome but you see two of each player.
Do you understand how much easier life would be if fannypacks were normal
Have $25 to my name but it's $2 pitchers. I have no choice but to go.
who knew i was capable of sobriety and human-like emotions all in the same night?
I made out with a guy because he was sitting on my coat...
I threw a dessert topping at a baby tonight so drink up! If you stay sober tonight I will be very disappointed in you.
there was a goddamn geisha at house. my dick feels more cultured.
I'm now at a gay bar with our relatives
Im at a south american orphan benefit auction drinking stoli in a coffee mug, this is what my life has become, thanks a lot community college
I don't know what to say to you.
I don't know what I said to you. Start with that.
A good example of deductive reasoning: Knowing that when my girlfriend texts me "I promise not to smoke all your weed!" that she is...at that VERY moment...Smoking All Of My Weed.
There was already gay porn open on my laptop with a tiny carrot cake, a bottle of water, and a note saying "I love you, Sober Me."
Drunk me just hits it and quits it.
I just thought you should know... Instead of a glass of wine before bed I am having a few shots of 1800. This is what being a night shift nurse will do to you... Standing in your kitchen in your undies doing shots
Randomize