he stopped mid-fuck to ask me how my day was....
the weed was in a baggy that had little penguins on it. i am so excited you have no idea
There was a suspicious looking plate that suggests I may have eaten salad with gravy
Why is everyone in the bowling alley looking at me like i'm a prostitute just because I have bunny ears on?
and i'm going to kill you for what you did to my nipples last night. of course i want to hang out
I'm sorry for the texts and anything that I said that may have caused confusion, pain or irritation. I shall not be drinking again. Furthermore I will not be keeping a phone on me should I fail to adhere to the prior statement.
She said we "made love." I had to explain to her that when both parties agree that the first time time they have sex both people agree to video tape the whole thing its not "making love" but more like random good time fun sex.
I HAVEN'T FUCKED ANYONE IN FOREVER AND A HALF I DON'T DESERVE TO BE A TRASHY BLONDE
I've figured out why I love winter sex. Because I make them leave the beanie on, and we all know I love a man in a beanie.
These kids are nice. Shrooms make everything so nice.
Got super judged by this lady at the Rolling Stones concert last night. Bitch don't look so salty at my dad and I splitting two joints, an edible, and two margaritas. It's the stones.
Woke up this morning naked, wrapped in a bath mat with a wad of singles on the table. I'm calling it a win.
I just sent my ex off to a party, threw a condom at him, and told him to make good choices.
I know I've never told you this before.. but Gyro sauce makes everything okay.
She was nothing like her profile said, we had nothing in common, and her picture mustve been like 30 pounds ago. But yeah we hooked up
Randomize
