ps i may or may not be wearing a sequined bra
I really love her but I don't think I can go the rest of my life without anal.
im dressed up like a present. waiting for someone to unwrap me ;)
this is your brother
Apple Jack is not a good idea for breakfast. Whiskey can't replace milk.
Imagine a baby lion feeding on an injured gazelle and it tasting fresh blood for the first time. That's me and this breakfast sammich
i thought they made a 7-hour walmart run, but they were actually in jail.
Alright, so what's my next move? I already posted a Milli Vanilli video on her wall
He burst into tears while I was blowing him. NEVER giving a bj for a graduation present again.
Threw up on the baby. National Tequila Day is the eve of National I'm A Horrible Nanny Day.
Dude it's bad when your 10 year old son makes fun of your penis size.
Yeah, surprised you made it on time this morning. Remarkable, considering 2 hours ago you were pretending to be talking window curtains.
She got tired so now we're making anyone who has a stupid idea go into her bedroom so she can sleepslur "good idea" or "baaaad idea." We're calling her the queen of the misguided.
As soon as we had sex he stopped opening doors for me. That wasn't an exchange. Im still a god damn princess
Woke up this morning to him making out with me in his sleep, then I had to go on a scavenger hunt to find a used condom before my roommate got back... it was under my pillow.
Our livers are going to hate us.
It's okay, they're regenerative. God wanted this.
Randomize
