I woke up fully clothed on top of my sheets and i didnt even pee myself..so proud.
I woke up and there was 3 different size condom wrappers on the floor. What is this goldie locks and the 3 condoms???
Mango Malibu should win a nobel peace prize
This was all being yelled across a beer pong table as all important things should be discussed
Just met a girl...She is complaining why on facebook you can't have more then one "open relationship"
I dont know how i feel about her from a moral standpoint...
Honestly... isn't she a psych major? how does she go through life NOT realizing that everything she does is a cry for help?
Cops just came and got two guys out of my class. I can't do college. Seriously cannot rage at this school anymore.
I would rather get explosive diarrhea at the aquarium than go home alone tonight
I will keep you posted and someday if we daydrink teach you how to do a footjob
It's not that I even wanna fuck these guys anymore, just cuddle that's all. My conscience has never been so proud.
I just don't understand how she's willing to go through so much planning and effort just to get a dick inside of her
God this is like a meg Ryan movie without the restaurant orgasms
No one will ever find true happiness until they have gotten stoned and taken off the bra they've been wearing all day.
You, my dear friend, are a poet of the deep mental longings of women worldwide.
I showed up to a job interview wearing two different shoes. If that's not an omen, I don't know what is.
The best part about theater chicks is nothing is too cliche or out of line. I just fucked her Braveheart style in my entry way while saying goodbye.
Randomize
