Have you ever had champagne poured on you during sex? It was like a rap video
Of course she's mad at you. You Kanye Wested a picture of her catching snowflakes in her mouth. "imma let you finish but..." was the shaft and you put two of Kanye West's heads for the balls.
I finally had sex with him last night, but we used a condom so it doesn't add to my number of sexual partners.
I'm heating up a hotdog using a candle.
Hypothetical question: how bad would bacardi be as an IV drip?
death...100% death...what r u planning.
I have the slightest memory of swinging a bag full of condoms over my head...
Omg. Some dude is jacking off in Kelly's bathroom.
Just called a girl a cunt over peanuts. I think we both know it wasn't just about the peanuts.
I had lunch with him today and quietly mourned his wasted good looks on such a disappointing set of genitals.
Debating going to the grocery store with my vibrator still in, cause I can't stand the idea of it out. Lets do some risk/reward
Can't find my wig, my underwear, or my dignity. Halloween 2016
For future reference: When the bouncer is approaching you to remove you from his bar, you don't respond by taking off your pants.
Someone wrote "LazerSwords" on my cock last night. My erect cock. Tequila is no one's friend.
He looked so uninterested when the stripper was slapping him. Now his roommates are harassing me about how crazy our sex must be.
It was an entirely appropriate time and place for sexual thoughts.
That doesn't make it ok to play by play me your honeymoon!
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