Wow that girl who lives a couple houses down is going out wearing butterfly wings a skirt and fishnets
i just drank a strangers drink off a toilet
no weekend plans? you're practically married
just without the last name or joint bank account
i'd advise against both
He still wants to giggity, regardless of his girlfriend. So...I guess I'm happy again.
were doing shots for every snowflake that hits the ground
He just kept yelling woof and then threw money all over me...
btw i have an angry voicemail of you yelling at me to get you a sandwich or die.
She spilled some tequila on her hair somehow and I guess I felt bad for her, so I yelled "ROOMIES FOR LIFE" and dipped my hair in my tequila.
I WAS a history major. I also WAS a functioning human being. Fuck gin.
I just fully woke up, never smoking that much weed again. I had stress dreams about your house being surrounded by a lake and we kept losing our cars in it.
I woke up naked on my couch playing a video game I thought I had dreamed about... oh yeah, and someone cut my hair.
I woke up without my clothes on covered up with a towel on the floor because for some reason I took a bath in my clothes at 2am.
This morning confirmed it...there's no maybe about it. She definitely wasn't born with it. It was definitely the Maybelline.
I apparently pulled his dick out at the bar and started yelling "DICK PICS IN REAL LIFE!"
Feels weird riding an elevator with my tongue in my own mouth.
Randomize
