Hard to imagine a reason apart from blow jobs that I'm awake at 530 am.
I was eating out this girl yesterday and when I finished, she asked me if I wanted to take any home with me. She was serious, dude!
What does that even mean?
im so drunk with asians
where?
always
i have a dinosaur tramp stamp
It's going to be nice going to the airport without drugs taped to my balls like last year.
I love how you are more concerned with what i call my penis than the fact i wanna bone some high school chicks
hey remember that 14 year old i met 5 years ago who i said i would bang 5 years from then?
Yup.
Haha crisis adverted. Just told my dad I need to bone this guy. Nbd. He totes understands
my greatest accomplishment from the city of diplomacy is that i puked at a table of 5 diplomats and my professor and NONE OF THEM NOTICED
Given he decided my interview was a date, showed up drunk and insisted on carrying me everywhere, we weren't off to a good start.
I'm working on finding a bottomless situation. Both pants and mimosas.
A very confused plastic surgeon just called. Apparently I called asking how much it costs to get a vodka funnel installed straight to my brain...
I may quit my job to go be a costumed Jedi at Disneyland.
Well, I dont really know how much penis you have at your disposal so I cant be sure
I'll give you some leg action but I'm not showing you anything else until your penis admits it loves me
Randomize
