If I saw her on the street and didn't know about the two of them, I would think the only way she'd ever find love was if she somehow found her way to middle earth and an orc took her in
he asked me if i "normally slept like that" because i was curled up in a ball facing the wall. then he told me that i woke up in the middle of the night and said "oh my god. i forgot you were here." how did he not understand that i didn't want him in my bed.
I thought short asians scared me, however seeing my first tall asian I'm terrified.
Just made a makeshift menthol by rolling a listerine strip into a regular cigarette... Poor? Who, me?
Looking for the remote in the couch. Finding Adderall beads. Considering utilizing.
We had sex under a tree in his boss's backyard, then I hooked up with his best friend. I don't even care how I got home.
... They left for 10 minutes and came back with a lobster he's in the toilet downstairs
Look at you go. You're like the Slutty Librarian that Could. They should write children's books about you. Children's books for adults.
So I'm dropping a fat deuce at work, and the lock on the stall door slips and the door slides open, when suddenly someone comes in. Now I have two options, I can either get up quickly and try to shut the door quickly (not easy to do with one hand) or I can just sit there and play it off like it's no big deal and I always dump at work with the door open. I chose option two, and it was as awkward as it sounds.
My breasts were aching with rage.
Well according to all the calls, texts, and Facebook messages, I threw up on you guys last night.
The fact that he quoted freebird as his breakup speech was a little more classy than expected
For someone I see at the bar by herself all the time... I should have know she had a tazer.
He took a shot of vodka and AND ATE ME OUT AS A CHASER. YESSS. I AM IN LOVE.
Finally fucked my buddy's mom!! We are both ten years older and for her it really shows but i hit it!!
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