she gave up head for lent, but she said sex was still fair game
I just worked out and used handles of vodka as weights. Whoever said alcoholism is detrimental to you health obviously has no fucking idea.
he was already passed out before we got there, so i already knew i was going to like him
What is a reasonable amount of condoms to keep in my condom wallet without it being creepy that I have too many?
You did a strip tease for the toilet.
Doing lines and watching a show on hot dogs around the world ... Why do I do this to myself
Nicee. Atleast your phone doesn't change pen in to PENISsSSSSSSS like mine does
When someone comes out of your vagina and stomps on your dreams, you'll understand.
Im like a hedgehog. Easy to corner or get within reach, but tough to get right close to. Like a rooster with its feathers surgically replaced with razors
If muffins & morning blowjobs don't make him happy, frankly, I don't think anything will.
I'm floating on a 30mph cloud right now not giving a fuck
you left your anal beads in the dishwasher
On a scale from 1-10 how fucked up would it be to buy weed with my fafsa money?
It's a study aid
He drove me to my therapist appointment because I was too drunk to drive. Total keeper.
Somehow I went from sitting in a car upside down to waking up in the grass surounded by paramedics. It was a great night.
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