.....then i was kicked out of my work christmas party......
He is going to sleep with me. That's all there is to it. I'm 4 for 4 right now. I'm not making it 4 for 5.
I just handed the barista at Starbucks a panty liner instead of my card....maybe I should upgrade this Tall to a Venti...
Why can't I live in a world where my only 2 options are rum bikini hot tub party or masturbating?
the cab driver said that we weren't the worst shit show he'd ever seen, CHALLENGE ACCEPTED!!
Long story short he broke into a preschool and threw all their cones into a tree.
He taped a champagne bottle to both his hands and called himself edward champagne hands. At one point he poured some on his lap and said " Just needed to make sure my dick got some too"
Can we please start going to the gym before I accidentally kill someone via explosive fat girl pants button accident
You chugged 6 beers in a row and then outed your boss at a party last night.
Oh and apparently something happened that was related to "THIS IS SPARTA" but no one will tell me what I did.
So I'm going to blame my boobs hurting on that.
She had her pubic hair down there shaved into the superman s............. Best one night stand ever.
I'm tired of looking like my mother fucked Chewbacca.
You just want me for my pizza coupons and my penis.
Let go out that Thursday night!
Yess sounds good, I have to go turn myself in the next day because what happened last Friday.
When God closes one door, he opens up a taller, smarter, more successful door, with a bigger cock and nicer teeth.
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