How come twittering sounds sexual?
Because of Bambi.
She got kicked off the plane and spent the last four hours in a holding cell with the feds.
but she's really nice
So you're telling me it's impossible to have a "slight case" of chlamydia?
i don't remember her name, but i don't need it unless we decide to hook up again. but even then, i can get away with not knowing it for a while. it's not like we have actual conversations.
i should start naming my morning wood
great idea but wrong number
At what point in your drunken state would you actually believe that the cops wanted to party with you?
Just so we're clear. I'm still making jello shots and bringing them to the bar in my purse. I don't care if its half off margaritas. Don't want anyone thirsty
I have a fannypack full of condoms and acid. Let's get weird.
He's sitting in his room on Facebook with nothing but a pillow covering his crotch. I can't help you at the moment.
She wants me to spank her and yell "Kerry! Your father is disappointed with your choices!" Fuck up but crazy hot? Or just fuck up crazy?
Operation: pick up a lawyer was a resounding success. Commence operation: football mugshot weekend
I'm at the local community college pretending to be a substitute for a computer applications class
YOU TOOK A FUCKING SNAP OF ME TRYING TO PEE! I'M GOING TO FUCK YOU WITH THE BUSINESS END OF A RUTED RAKE!
You act like tequila is some sort of sex juice
Never in my life have I been so excited to nap as I am right now.
Randomize
