Regardless thnx for trying to help out, I realize we are dealing w/ very stupid girls here
Desperate + desperate does not equal a fun night.
I was mid-pee and he walked in, claimed he was looking for his phone, and then asked if we could hook up since we were finally alone.
so yall hooked up?
just saw your exgirlfriend at the mall. her sister is pretty hot.
called that a week into the relationship. like driving off the lot with a 2010 and seeing the 2011 models coming in on the truck.
I'm laying here in fetal position. I feel like a traffic cone
we've called him dos banos ever since he threw up in 2 separate bathrooms with the same puke
some chick tossed a drink in your face at the bar last night. your mouth was opened so i think you ended up swallowing at least half of it. good job.
The drunk mom in a firefighter hat just told her to leave.
I feel like weed makes my smarter. I'm watching the stocks and the way I understand if, do not invest in Yahoo right now because they are not fit for that.
guy next to me on the train just pulled out two bottles of gin and a block of cheddar. is slowly making his way through all of them.
Just fucked up my mustache shaving, gonna have to take it off because now it makes me look like a pedophile
FYI your old mustache made you look like a pedophile
The other night he asked if I had a condom and I said I had an IUD. and he goes OMG A BOMB?
My ex unfollowed me on SPOTIFY bruh. Freaking spotify. The butthurt is real
The cards I get dealt on tinder now are karma for fucking a married man while I was in high school.
whole 5th of capt = waking up in the shower after 2 hours and the whole house asking why i'm STILL in a towel. and me having nothing to say
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