I have demons in me.
so I guess it's not okay to mix vodka and ..everything and then proceed to offer a lap dance to ...everyone.
there's nothing like watching the sun rise at the library alone on a friday morning to make you want to kill yourself.
He let me keep his flannel as a "good job" for the great head I gave him.
I just couldn't help myself when there was a FOUNTAIN OF SHOTS
Congratulations, you fucked a nickle into me.
Hey, 'thunder cock' as proud as I am for you getting laid, could you put a muzzle on her? I have to be up at 5, thanks.
Is singing the Indiana Jones theme while I put on the condom off limits?
I'm not the one who can lose their erection, so it's fair game
She's a freaking stalker dude, it's like having some kind of cartoon animal just following around everywhere
Feels like someone put a cigar out where my butthole used to live
Our first kiss happened while shot gunning a hit from a gravity bong. Its that type of relationship.
Trying to Jedi mind trick myself into not throwing up. This is not the esophagus you are looking for.
If Plan B had a rewards card I would have earned so many free tote bags by now
I feel like I lost a fight with an 800 lb gorilla made of tequila
Want to go to Victoria’s Secret? His fiancée is out of town and I’m going to try and stop the wedding with lingerie and lots adventurous sex
Absolutely! I love a good sexual filibuster!
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