He about cried when I ordered pizza online. He said it was a miracle.
Drunk at a girls little league game. Hello summer.
i've officially fucked a sailor, a policeman and a biker. I've never noticed my Village People fetish until now...
I've got to stop making out with the guys and sharing drinks with you. I'm the reason we all get sick at the same time. Sorry.
Blacked out at the beach and unblacked out at a piano bar singing Tiny Dancer.
You know, it doesn't really count as a walk of shame if you guys showered together the next morning
He was drinking hot tub water because i refused to get him a glass of water...
Power hour was a bad idea. It turned into power 4 hours, then power puke. Then power sleep till 3.
I'm stoned as hell watching the new Star Trek movie. My life is 110% better than it was an hour ago.
I know you just got dumped by your gf but believe there is still good in the world. I just smoked a joint and took a fucking unbelievable poop. Give me a call tomorrow.
WHY IS THERE A FUCKING DILDO IN PLACE OF MY GEAR SHIFTER IN MY CAR?
Well, he was my lawyer and now we get drunk and hook up.
That explains the way he looks at you.
he told me that I'm basically going to be the mom of the house when they move in...i like to see it as being a MILF without the responsibility of real children
Fuck. I did it again. I plugged in my toaster and walked away thinking it needed to preheat. I am dumb.
I woke up this morning and my house is covered in shredded cheese with my laptop open and a google image search for "awesome shit".
Randomize
