I texted her sayin "I gotta brush my teethn then Im omw" maybe hint to do the same
Two bottles of champagne and half a pizza later, I'm crying myself to tears watching The Nanny. Happy finals week.
I have a plus one for the Blackout Express, should I pen in your name?
Imagine Captain Hook, but in penis form and sometimes shy.
they had to take the Corona's out of the fish tank because they wouldn't fit with the mini replica of the roman coliseum in there. so we drank the Corona's. does beer have an expiry date?
Also I stopped in the middle of the road and put my hazards on because BUNNIES WERE PLAYING
Wait do you remember that guy last night asking to use my nose ring to open his beer.......
We're super invested in me shitting to my full potential
I mean, "boo" isn't the appropriate response to someone dying...
He carried you out but the best part is you kept saying "can't I keep dancing" as you were gushing blood
I think the pizza delivery guy is getting a handjob next door.
Eh, I don't question what my penis likes. It just does what it does.
I just had sex a few hours ago now i'm eating frozen yogurt making sex plans for tonight while catching Pokémon. What a time to be alive.
Relax
It's hard to relax when a woman is waxing your asshole.
he'll eat me out, but god forbid we double dip when sharing salsa
Randomize
