Im wearin a dollar bill hat and tgkin a big girl home. Lifi is gmwnd
Luol and I just scored with two 40 year old married chicks. They dropped us off on the way to soccer prctic. The kids in the back were confused. Call me.
he kept his composure pretty well until he puked on the cop car
just so you know... i was wasted last night, but the evening is coming back to me in flashes... i made you eat gravy last night, didn't i?
I don't remember anything but yelling at the ref in Spanish.
Take in how we used all the shot glasses in the bar in less than an hour
I come back home for break and my room is full of weed either my parents really love me or they are having more fun then I am in college
What was she thinking? I'm not in the business of charity fucks anymore.
Say hello to your nephew Sir Isaac Meriwether van Catsworth
I'm going to have to start taking your phone after ten. That's when all the cat pictures come
stuck in a tree...bring a ladder. also my arm might be broken. no questions are allowed.
Regardless of age or alcohol consumption, the knowledge that my dad spanks my mom sexually has the very real potential to fuck my shit up.
EX BOYFRIEND'S TWINS WERE BORN TODAY. THIS CALLS FOR A MARG.
I literally am filling up a victoria's secret bag with stuff that would give my parents a heart attack to hide in my roommates' room. This is being an adult when parents visit
I came twice AND he sent me home with edibles. I think he’s a keeper.
His ass is a ten, but his personality is a two. Which would average to a six if I didn't have to figure in apologizing to all and sundry. In short hard no. Get a new wingman.
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