i really wanted you to get laid last night and i didnt think you were going to. so i posted porn on your facebook.it made sense at 3am
he stopped mid-fuck to ask me how my day was....
Mid thrust he tells me that we have bio together
I just texted him to come over because I want to see if his hand fits the handprint bruise on my ass.....I feel like the cinderella of S&M
He just kept telling me how to do certain things. It was like I was fucking my sex ed teacher
Ummmm yeah ..,.. All three girlfriends I have right now are chatting with each other at the party...... I'll see you on the other side
My parents foreign exchange student just walked in on me whacking off. Welcome to America :)
He's either jacking off or listening to Kanye West.
After a certain point, you just want to make it work. Prove to yourself that you're smarter than the vibrator.
They kept barging in on us saying random shit. At one point they came in yelling room service! and threw soda at us bruising my foot. Weirdest injury I have gotten during sex.
When the nurse referred to my vag as "your downstairs", I knew I found the perfect Doctors office.
Lol I wish they went straight to your cock then shot out into my mouth like a cock nacho dispenser
I can now recognize that when my wine bottle reaches a certain point, I probably shouldn't tweet, text or call anyone. RESPONSIBILITY
Tolerating him while I'm not drunk is like trying to find a word that rhymes with orange
If he knew how badly I want to blow him he’d stop talking about his wife
Randomize